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Secrets of Body Language

People pick up on what we really think whether we know it or not.  One way we convey our thoughts is in our body language.  The body cannot lie.  Lie detector tests are based on this fact.  Even though we, using our conscious mind, can lie and we often do, our body always registers the fact that we are lying.

The secrets of body language mean that we may try to put on a false front to cover up our real feelings but our body is incapable of lying.    Behaviourists suggest that only 7% of communication is the words we speak.  The rest is made up of 38% tonality and 55% body language.  When our words aren’t congruent with our thoughts it comes across in our tonality and our body language.

Sometimes people who are lying will not meet our gaze, children do this a lot, but sometimes good liars deliberately hold the gaze of the person they are talking to as a way of covering up the fact they are being less than truthful.

An expert in body language will notice other things, such as blink rate going up or nervous mannerisms.  I just simply get the feeling that the person isn’t congruent, there’s something amiss.  It’s just a general feeling but it’s one I trust.

It is a scientific fact that people’s gestures give away their true intentions. Yet most of us don’t know how to read body language and don’t realize how our own physical movements speak to others.

However, while we may not be able to interpret the intentions of others consciously, unconsciously we pick up everything.  This often leads us to feel uneasy with certain people.

Thoughts even convey themselves into letters, e-mails and texts.  Whatever your intention when you write any of the above it comes across to the person who receives the message.

Thoughts are conveyed in any medium and a good way of getting your message across is to first think what result you would like from the letter, text or e-mail.  Whatever you are feeling will come across no matter what.  Think about it first then the right words will come to you.

One day I was talking to a fellow therapist and she told me that she had sent an email to a colleague whom she was less than happy with.  Her predominant thought as she wrote the email was, “I don’t want to offend her.”

Guess what?  The person who received the email was offended and she said so in her reply.  My friend couldn’t understand why this had happened but when I told her how her mind works and pointed out her predominant thoughts as she wrote it she realised what she’d done.

I suggested that next time she had to write an email of that kind, or any kind for that matter, she first write down what she wanted to achieve as a result of the email.  I asked her what she would have preferred to happen.

She told me that she wanted to let the other person know that she wasn’t happy with what had happened but she also wanted to do it in a way that smoothed over the troubled waters.

What I suggested was that she would write down, “I want to build up a rapport with this person and to convey my respect for their point of view.  I want to be heard, and to get my message across in a way that creates a win, win situation.  As a result of this email I want to remain firm friends and obtain a greater understanding.”  She now uses this method with great success.

Once understood the secrets of body language can be used by you to get the results you want by being congruent and speaking only about what you want to achieve.