If you’d like to know how to make people like you read on. There is a secret to getting others to like you and once learned it’s one of the easiest thing in the world to do. If you want others to like you, you’ve got to like them. Simple isn’t it?
You can get on with anyone, even mass murderers like Hitler had a nice side to them and with a little practice we can always bring out the nice side to anyone. Whether you would want to get on with a mass murderer is another story, but in most social, workplace and family situations it would certainly benefit us to enjoy good relations with others.
A good salesman not only loves his product, try selling something you don’t believe in, he loves his customers too. The hardest job in the world would be to try to sell something you didn’t believe in to someone you disliked.
You would soon be shown the door, and rightly too. The reason you would be shown the door is because your body language would be incongruent with your words and it would show.
I worked with a client who was selling a product he truly believed in but he was finding it difficult to make sales. After discussing the situation I found that even though he truly believed in his product he also believed that it was pricey and that people would think it cost too much.
I explained to him that with this thought in mind he was only able to attract people who would think it pricey and he was also conveying this message to the people he talked to. I advised him to revise his thinking and to concentrate on those people who were already his using his product and were happy with the price.
He started to focus on certain clients and to affirm that there were others out there just like them who would love his product and be very pleased with the price. When he started to approach sales in this way he started to find more customers and his sales increased.
How we influence others, for good or for bad
Others behave with us in exactly the way we expect them to. Whatever we say about others becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. If there is someone at work who you habitually call lazy or incompetent, either to others or within your own mind, then that person will only be able to display that behaviour in your presence.
Outside of your sphere of influence they may be completely different according to the beliefs of whomever they are with. If you want to get the best out of people you must think the best of them.
I know a man who believes that everyone who has every worked for him is incompetent. He looks down on the people who work for him. He calls them stupid and useless and he has names for them I won’t repeat here. Staff habitually walk out on him and he struggles to retain employees. Of course every time it happens he proves himself right.
A good boss not only speaks well about his employees to their faces, he does it behind their backs. Expect the best and you will get the best, expect the worst and you will get that too.
Remember, if you have been guilty of any of the above it’s not too late to change. Simply change the way you speak about someone and keep it changed and then watch as they blossom into that person. Some of the most important people we can use this on are our nearest and dearest, and especially our children.
Why we often take an instant dislike to others
The reason we often dislike someone on sight is because we stereotype them. We are constantly making judgments about others but don’t worry, this doesn’t make you a bad person.
This facility was built into all living creatures as a way to save us from danger. You might have decided that people who are drunk should be avoided, or people with tattoos and shaven heads.
For some people it may be homeless, scruffy looking people who turn them off. For some it could be business men or women. Everyone will have preferences and dislikes.
These likes and dislikes could be the result of childhood conditioning or they may be as a result of conditioning we have received from reading newspapers or watching the news. Alternatively we may have had a problem with someone who looked very like the person we are judging.
The thing to remember is that we are making assumptions. Not everyone who is drunk is belligerent and looking for a fight. Not everyone with a shaved head and tattoos is a thug. Not all little old ladies are sweet.
On a lovely summer afternoon last year I was sitting outside a local pub with my sister. At the next table were a crowd of rather drunken lads. They were loud and swearing a lot and were acting in an aggressive way with each other.
Suddenly one of them jumped up from the table and ran across the road. Everyone looked to see what was happening. I for one imagined a fight had started. But no, the young lad had seen a man in a wheelchair struggling to get up the kerb and he ran across to help him.
As he came back across the road everyone started to spontaneously clap. It was a wonderful moment that left everyone uplifted.
Before we condemn others we could perhaps ponder on the following:
To understand all would be to forgive all. If we could know all the influences that have played upon the person who has wronged us or annoyed us, or the person who we judge to be unworthy, we might understand why he has acted as he has.
If those same influences had assailed us with equal force, we might have done just as he did. At any rate, harbouring a grudge or resentment will block our achievement of good. It is too high a price to pay.
The person against whom hostility is held is not hurt by it; it is the person who harbours it who is the loser. The practice of the spirit of understanding will, make us gentle. It is one of the most enriching attitudes we can cultivate.
How to make anyone respond warmly to you
The Law of Karma, which is operating constantly, means that what we give out we get back. If we want others to respond kindly to us we must send kind thoughts to them.
How many times have you had a conversation with someone and thought to yourself, “Oh she/he’s nice.” Once you have that thought you can bet you will be friends with that person because they picked up your thought and they subliminally read your body language.
Funnily enough they were thinking the same thing about you too. I call this the chicken and the egg situation. No-one knows which came first and my belief is that the thoughts are simultaneous.
This however gives us a clue how we can get on with anyone. Yes, you’ve got it, you can simply think good thoughts about them. This is the only way how to make people like you, there is no other way and remember, there is always more good than bad in people and seeing the good tends to bring it to the fore.
When we point a finger at someone we mustn’t forget that we have three fingers pointing back at ourselves. When we judge others we are making ourselves feel bad too. Is it worth it?
Sending loving thoughts to someone means that you are also receiving those loving thoughts because whatever radiates out also radiates inwards too. When we stop judging others we cease judging ourselves and others respond in kind.
If you are planning on meeting someone new, a new employee, your daughters new boyfriend, a prospective client or a friend of a friend tell yourself that you will like them prior to meeting them.
Say something like this, “I’m going to really like you and get on really well with you.” Or “We are going to find lot’s in common and get on really well,” or “He’s going to like me and I’m going to like him too.”
Any of the above statements will work to create a mutual liking and respect or whatever you want tot create. And if you hear yourself saying, “But what if I say I’m going to like him and he’s a horrible person.” Believe me that won’t happen. Even if others believe this person to be bad, he or she will act differently with you because you will have taken the time and effort to bring out the best in that person.
Listed below are some phrases to get you started:
- Bless you
- I like you
- He/she likes me
- He/she seems nice
- I love you
- She/he loves me
- You’re lovely
- You seem friendly
The very best phrases are, God bless you and I love you. Give it a try and see how it works! I promise you that you will be delighted by the response you get. Now you know the answer to the question, “How to make people like you?” Like them first and the rest will naturally follow.
I work with people worldwide. For more information ring Christine on 01243 699646